If you’ve recently sat for an I.Q test and failed, don’t despair. You can always become a teacher. The Education Departments of Western Australia and Queensland are getting quite anxious because applications for teaching places have dropped drastically in the past two years. Nobody wants to go into the second oldest profession – pedagogues just aren’t what they used to be.

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Pardon my scepticism, but it’s impossible to take seriously anything that President Putin says. He says that there will be a free election for the new president and, frankly, even Putin must know that nobody believes him.

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What is this obsession with fat lips? For years, celebrities have been having their lips blown up by inserting all sorts of things into them. There have been bits of string pulled through, injections and fillers. Women even apply irritants to their lips so that the lips swell in protest. Some of the results have been quite horrifying.

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Depending on your hopes, the Climate Conference at Bali was either a wonderful meeting of minds who have the wellbeing of our planet at heart–or it was the beginning of several years of organised talkfests which hope to achieve something but like most U.N enterprises will fizzle into a small puddle of pretensions and delays.

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They say that life is what you make it. As if that’s going to make you feel better. I say that only me, myself, I, can screw things up for myself, especially if things are going pretty swimmingly. The sun is shining in a beautiful cerulean sky, the birds are twittering to the rhythm of my favourite melody and I’ve even broken into a smile. So now’s the perfect time to think up a scheme that will ruin all that.

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There has been an outcry this week both in Australia and in many other parts of the world. It concerns the pack rape of a ten year old indigenous girl. This is not news in itself since about 80 child protection cases are reported in just one North Queensland indigenous community every month.

But as I said, that wasn’t the news. What really upset the entire nation, except for one aboriginal activist, who is my subject today, is that the judge did not give a custodial sentence to any of the nine males involved explaining that the ten year old girl probably agreed to it.

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It wasn’t that long ago that grey hair meant your job was in jeopardy. Anyone over forty, in fact, had trouble finding a job again once he lost it. As for women over forty getting a job, well, there were plenty of domestic positions around for them, but not much else.

How times have changed!

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In Australia it is illegal to both take drugs and deal in drugs. So it came as a surprise to me to learn that there is an organisation for drug users in Victoria which is funded by the government to the tune of $800,000 a year. This organisation, which goes by the name of Vivaids, doesn’t aim to cure the drug problem. Far from it.

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Who but Hamas would burn the American flag, call America “The Great Satan”, torch effigies of President Bush and yet have the chutzpah to ask the U.S to help them?

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It’s been ages since I enjoyed a movie and I guess I’ll have to wait a little longer if “Twice Upon a Time” is the best that comedy can offer at the moment. Here we have two countries, England and France, who are famous for their contribution to the world of cinema and they managed to create a boring flop.

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