Prince William sat back in his plush chair and thought about doing a good deed for the homeless. He could invite them into the Palace but people like that would feel most uncomfortable away from their milieu. A fish out of water and all that sort of thing. One wouldn’t want to embarrass them in strange surroundings. Besides, Granny may not approve since she’s counting the pennies after that infernal fire at Windsor Castle.

William is a caring lad, though, and felt he should do something for the poor at Christmas. Since the homeless could not join him, why not join them for a night? Sleep under the stars and all that. How bad could it be? He would wear his thermals under the casual ensemble selected by his P.A. And it’s not as if he would be in any danger. Not with security discreetly disguised as forlorn hobos as well. Then there would be the cameras and the other media. Quite the entourage.

Granny sprayed him with some homeopathic disinfectant which his father had grown organically. And then the Royals bid him good night for his camping out adventure. William learned a lot on that one night, he told the press, although he did concede that he can only imagine how the homeless truly feel. Really, William?

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This week we received a Christmas greeting from our weekend newspaper delivery guy. We didn’t even know we had a weekend delivery guy until he left an empty envelope beside our newspaper with a bit of paper attached to the outside of the envelope wishing us all the best for Xmas.

It took us a couple of bemused minutes to work out why the empty envelope. Apparently, we were supposed to fill it with a bit of green Christmas cheer. 0/10 for finesse…

This reminded me of what used to happen to us when we first arrived in Australia in the Fifties. During the week before Xmas the garbage collectors or “garbos” as they are known in Oz would wake up the entire neighbourhood with their hootin’ and a hollerin’ at daybreak. The first time this happened we asked our neighbour what it was all about. She said it was to remind us that Xmas is coming and we should leave some cans of beer on the footpath for the garbos. We had to do it or else our garbage would be strewn all over the road… “an offer we couldn’t refuse.”

It was a kind of traditional protection racket and if you questioned its ethics, then you weren’t a good sport. This was then and this is now. That sort of pollution would be frowned on today and I hadn’t thought of it in years until our newspaper delivery guy reminded me of the good old days. lol

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Went to my “Women who have not slept with Tiger Woods or Bill Clinton” meeting this week and it was pretty lonely there. Just a couple of us, really. And it’s not as if we hadn’t been approached by either of the gentlemen. The other member of our club was a golf pro who had offered to caddy for Tiger but that’s as far as she was prepared to go.

As for me, I really didn’t want to come between a man and his wife. Call me old-fashioned, but I was primarily thinking of my own marriage. It isn’t easy being married and I wasn’t prepared to risk it all just for the glory of being another bimbo who fell for a celebrity.

Which brings me to the sad truth of it all. If it weren’t for the fact that Tiger and Old Bill are famous men, would anyone, including their wives, give them the time of day? There is an old Jewish saying that a rich man is handsome, has a great personality and sings well too.

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You have to laugh. Hamas has just announced that it has come to an agreement with militant groups in Gaza to stop firing rockets into Israel. The reason for this, and this is the punchline, is to stop retaliation by Israel. Get it? If we don’t attack Israel in the first place then it won’t hit us back. What an epiphany!!!

Isn’t that what Israel has been saying all the time? It has to defend its people from rocket attacks from Gaza.

The only reason that Israel has ever retaliated is when the Palestinians and their supporters have attacked Israel. If they stop that then perhaps peace will have a chance. Will they stop attacking Israel? Not bloody likely cause attacking Israel is their only reason for existing.

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I am very familiar with the Chadstone Shopping Centre because it is the closest mall to my home. If I had my wish, however, it would be replaced by the Westfield one from Doncaster.

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I applaud the New Zealand government for refusing to allow some of the Tamil blackmailers on the Oceanic Viking to resettle in New Zealand. Prime Minister Rudd has been told that New Zealand doesn’t approve of queue-jumpers, nor does it want to be viewed as an easy destination by people-smugglers and their customers.

So our “tough but compassionate” Prime Minister is hunting high and low for another country to accept the Tamils. A possible destination is the Philippines, but I doubt that the Tamils will agree to disembark in that country. They are demanding to be sent to Australia and won’t settle for anything else.

That certainly does not sound as if the Tamils’ only motivation for leaving Sri Lanka was to save their skins.

If Rudd capitulates and brings the blackmailers to Christmas Island then that will be regarded as a failure of his refugee policy. Anyhow, if he criticised the previous Australian government’s handling of boat people and smugglers which was called the Pacific Solution, why is he scouting the Pacific nations in the hope of relieving himself of these queue-jumpers?

Surely there is not much difference between Rudd’s Pacific Odyssey and John Howard’s Pacific Solution except that Howard’s one worked as a deterrent while Rudd’s is an embarrassment. Meanwhile we wait to see what bright idea Rudd can come up with to remove the egg on his face.

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There is no denying that what the Australian people admire most is a strong leader. In fact, that’s what everyone wants in a leader- leadership qualities.

At the moment, Prime Minister Rudd, who is known for being bossy with his staff, is showing signs of wavering in another field. This is caused by his desire to please everybody and when you are motivated by trying to please everyone, you end up looking weak and namby pamby and you please no-one

For a man who constantly states “The reality is” and “The bottom line is” in a most definite way he can’t seem to get to the crux of the problem with the Sri Lankan Tamils on the Oceanic Viking.

We cannot allow these Tamils to land in Australia because they have been blackmailing us. This is the first point to be acknowledged. We must not give in to blackmail otherwise we will be doomed to experience this stand-off over and over again. This is the reality, Mr Rudd.

There is not much point in sending our Foreign Minister, Stephen Smith, to Sri Lanka with bags of cash if the Tamils refuse to go back there. And even if the Sri Lankan government promises to monitor outgoing vessels with Tamils on them, what is in it for the Sri Lankan government which is quite happy to get rid of these unwelcome Tamils from its strife-torn country? Why would they want them back, for crying out loud?

I would have preferred Rudd to talk tough and act tough. We don’t want cuddly wuddly sweet talk. We want a leader who leads and who is prepared to secure our shores and our airways from unwelcome arrivals.

Let us instead open our arms and welcome legitimate refugees who have been languishing for years in refugee centres just because they can’t afford to pay people-smugglers. Why doesn’t Mr Rudd announce that we will invite 10,000 legitimate refugees to our country instead of these 78 blackmailers?

There is something inherently unfair about people who push in getting ahead of the rest of the queue. It’s wrong and the Prime Minister should point that out in no uncertain terms.

You never know, with all this unsettled weather, there may be another cyclone in the area and the Tamils will have to be rescued by the Indonesians, for their own good…

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I can’t imagine that this is what Kim Hill, Chief Executive of the Northern Land Council (an Aboriginal group) really meant what he said when he said the following:-

“We’d like to see traditional owners have their own shops in Paris selling their own skins.”

He was referring apparently to selling crocodile skins. I thought they were a protected species, the crocodiles, I mean… Oops, I almost made the same linguistic error as Mr Hill.

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It was marvellous on Saturday. The football final was on and everyone in Melbourne was watching the match. Or so it seemed when we set out on our drive to Chadstone Shopping Mall. I had never seen the roads so empty. They reminded me of that film “The Mouse that Roared” in which the world’s smallest nation, the Grand Duchy of Fenwick, decides to invade the U.S.A. and be defeated in the hope of receiving compensation from the wealthiest nation in the world.

The Fenwickians are unfortunate in that they invade the U.S.A. on a day when all Americans are taking part in a nuclear war drill and so the streets are totally empty. There is nobody around to accept their surrender and so the invasion is a financial defeat.

Well, that’s exactly how Melbourne looked on Saturday. Melburnians were hunkered down in shelters in front of their plasmas and the Fenwickians could do their worst. Melbourne just didn’t give a damn.

What bliss! I drove calmly along deserted main roads. There were parking spots galore at the Chadstone complex. When we entered the Mall we could actually see where we were walking instead of being pushed and jostled by the Proletariat.

We strolled and rambled and took in the sights. Football time and the shoppin’ is easy…Fish are jumpin’ and the cotton is high… I couldn’t help it. I warbled cheerfully as we shopped.

I often think that the world would be a wonderful place if it weren’t for the people in it. Which reminds me of a conversation we had with some friends who love exotic travel. They told us we must go to Borneo to see the Orangutans. Apparently, one journeys into the jungle and then is placed in a cage. Before too long curious Orangutans come out of hiding to have a peek at the visitors. The irony of it all was lost on the narrators.

On reflection, however, considering the demeanour of human beings, I think that it’s as it should be. I can envisage cruise ships full of Orangutans coming to observe us in our natural habitats. The antics of football fans should guarantee a few chuckles among our primate cousins. Go the Pussycats!!!

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At first I was understandably reluctant to ask the waitress for a glass of water with our cappuccino, but then I took the plunge and made the request.

She took it very well, I thought and when she assured me it was “not a problem” I wiped my fevered brow with relief. After all, the last thing in the world that I would like to do is to cause her a problem. I was tempted to ask her if it was really not a problem or was she just being self-sacrificing by pouring the glass of water and placing it in front of me.

On reflection, however, I thought it was best not to ask her what problem she had envisaged in the first place regarding the request. I concluded that perhaps it would be a problem for some people but that, in fact, being the accomplished waitress that she was, her talents would not be stretched too far if I were to request a glass of water.

She had already reassured us that it was not a problem to bring us the menu. Not a problem to take our order. Not a problem to bring us a knife and fork wrapped up in a paper serviette and not a problem when we asked for the menu again before ordering coffee.

Indeed, I have never seen a person who insisted on sharing her feelings about the lack of problems as much as this lovely young girl did. It made me feel so happy to observe how she managed to get through the entire ordeal without a solitary problem.

When we left the restaurant, we expressed our gratitude and that’s when she changed her response to “No worries.” Now I’m really perplexed. What worries did she have that are gone or is she simply informing us that she hasn’t a care in the world? What was left for me to say but “I’m glad to hear it.”

It’s better than the usual grunt, I suppose, but I definitely could do with less sharing of feelings in the service industry. After all, all I asked for was some food and drink, not a cure for global warming…

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