I’m beginning to wonder if a voodoo guy has it in for Australia and is sticking pins into an effigy of our glorious country. And that’s why I haven’t written lately. I’ve just been overwhelmed. Too much has happened in the last two months and so far 2011 has been pretty miserable.

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You could have exploded firecrackers in the streets of Melbourne yesterday afternoon and nobody would have noticed.

It was reminiscent of the scene that greeted the invaders from that 1959 Peter Sellers film, “The Mouse that Roared.” The impoverished principality, The Grand Duchy of Fenwick, had decided to invade the U.S in order to be defeated and thereby be eligible for great sums of money as compensation from the U.S for their losses.

As it happens, everything went wrong and the best laid plans of mice and men came to a tragic end. The Fenwickians had attacked the U.S on the very day that some nuclear war games were being staged and so the streets in the U.S were deserted. There was no opposition to the invasion. Regrettably, The Grand Duchy of Fenwick was the victor.

And so it was in Melbourne yesterday. The gentle folk of Melbourne were either in the stadium or were glued to their TV sets watching a most auspicious Grand Final football match between St Kilda and Collingwood.

We felt like the only people in Melbourne who did not watch the match since we belong to the AFL, the Anti Football Club. That’s not quite true, however. We aren’t against football. It’s just that we simply don’t care.

Anyhow, it turns out that just like the recent federal election, the whole thing ended in a draw and so has to be repeated next week.

Australia seems to be plagued by draws lately, but at least the football will have a rematch while our government is still trying to work things out without a rematch.

What really intrigued me last week was a report of a 70 something year old man being bashed up outside a supermarket. The widower was described as a Collingwood supporter and I wondered what difference did this make in the scheme of things. Had he not been a Collingwood supporter would the attack have been justified?

The whole incident was over some youths who had been rude to the man inside the store and then waited for him outside and bashed him up. It had nothing to do with football. Nor did it have anything to do with the fact that he lost his wife six years ago and had been doing the shopping himself ever since. Many people do their own shopping, don’t they?

What did any of this have to do with the attack? It’s what I call irrelevant padding to make a story seem sadder than it is. “Elderly man bashed up by youths” is apparently not horrifying enough for these reporters. But it should be!

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There’s no chance that terrorists will venture into the Commonwealth Games venues. It’s just too bloody dangerous for them. Jihadists wouldn’t get far before a bridge would collapse, a ceiling would fall on their heads or dengue fever would drag them down. And if that didn’t get them, then they would succumb to horrid infections from the dreadful hygiene in the athletes’ village.

So what did the official spokesman for the games reply when he was questioned about the standard of preparation for the games. “Not a problem,” he said. “It is world class.” Third world, I guess. lol

Now I’m certain we are assured of a large TV audience for the games. Who can resist watching the whole thing fall apart? Will the swimming pools leak? Will the running tracks crumble underfoot?

Suddenly there’s renewed interest in these anachronistic games.

That’s if athletes bother to turn up and risk life and limb. As for tourism? Well, there should be plenty of discounts for masochists. Just getting to the venues in one piece should provide much excitement. They could even make a fortune selling T-shirts that read “I went to Delhi AND I came back!”

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As I suspected, and I wasn’t the only one, the election is deadlocked. There is no winner except for the protest voters. Some voters decided that neither party was worthwhile, so they either voted for one of the minor parties or they decided to sabotage their votes. They left it up to others to decide for them.

In my opinion, it is perfectly legitimate to vote for a minor party like the Greens, for example, even though they weren’t my choice. That’s what democracy is all about. But to go further and vote informal just because you want to sit on the fence seems like an insult to the democratic process. I guess these informal voters have the democratic right to not vote, but what a waste of a hard fought-for privilege!

Apparently, half a million non-voters, and that’s how I describe them, didn’t even have the brains to weigh up policies and choose the party which offended them the least. It was so much easier to pack up their toys, stick their thumbs in their mouths and leave the sandbox.

We are probably better off without those fence sitters. Democracy is wasted on them, anyhow.

So now we are stuck with having to persuade three or four independents to side with one of the parties so that parliament can resume. If we thought that electioneering was over last Saturday, well, we are about to see so much horse trading, grandstanding and back room dealing, that it will make the actual election look like a prelude to the three-ring circus.

Can’t help wondering what would have happened if those informal twits had taken the time to reflect on the importance of voting. Too late now.

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We have thousands of cookware shops in Australia. They sell every gadget and the most ridiculously overpriced cookware.

I say it’s ridiculous because it doesn’t cook any better, nor does it last longer. Some of the cookware has a lifetime guarantee and I’m always puzzled by that claim. What does that mean?

And there are caveats to the guarantee. You have to use the cookware for the purposes for which it was intended.

I guess that means cooking rather than digging for iron ore. And I do suspect that in about ten years’ time you would have difficulty finding the manufacturer of said cookware to return it. They also want it to be posted and the cost of that postage would be prohibitive. That’s if you can unearth the receipt.

In other words, the cookware lasts for as long as it lasts and not any longer. Can’t argue with that existential concept.

If you read the fine print, you should expect the saucepan to show scratches. This will look bad but will not affect your cooking results. You can machine wash the cookware but it’s better not to because it may spoil its appearance.

Although the cookware has been tested in laboratories by a million jackhammers drilling the amazing bullet-proof surface of the pan, it is suggested that you stir your cooking with a plastic or wooden utensil.

All this in spite of a rather pretentious and misleading name like Swiss Diamond which gives the impression of a very resilient and indestructible surface. Not true. I know because I invested in the brand. I use the term “invested” since it cost a fortune.

I was informed at the time that Swiss Diamond never go on sale, but they were 40% discounted at some stores last week. So “Never” must mean the same as “Lifetime Guarantee.”

I’m also the gullible owner of some Circulon cookware. This one scratches, sticks and has grooves which are hard to clean. Ironically, there is a big ad campaign on TV at the moment praising this brand’s ease of use. I scoff somewhat bitterly at its claims.

Anolon was no better but I managed to return it because it warped. I was in one of those “I’m fed up and I’m not taking it any more” moods.

As for cast iron cookware, it’s good for casseroles, but who can lift the ruddy things? If you really want a physical workout try to pick up some Staub cookware. Now if you dropped that on the floor it would result in a crater and the Staub cookware would emerge in China.

The astute reader of this blog might have worked out that I’m fed up with falling for the hype. Cookware is cookware and you are better off buying a brand new pan every year at $29.95 as I have done recently and in ten years you will still be ahead financially. The pan will be lighter. You can machine wash it or not. If it scratches you don’t mourn the damage to its perfect surface.

And believe me, life’s too short to be fooled by promises of everlasting service or surface (as the case may be).

I wonder how long my new penny-wise attitude will last? Probably for as long those guarantees, I guess.

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All we wanted to do was to purchase a toy for our little granddaughter who is currently living in the USA. “Anything from Toy Story 3 would be great” according to her dad, our son.

What better store than ToysRUs for a gift to be sent from that American store to an American address? Simple? Not exactly.

We looked up the website and selected a doll for her. Then we proceeded to order it online. Easy? Not exactly.

ToysRUs would not accept our credit card because we live overseas in Australia. Understandable? Perhaps. Amazon can do it but apparently ToysRUs can’t.

So credit card was out of the question.

How about money then? A cash transaction online?

The following is the reply we received from this company:-

Thank you for contacting RUs.com regarding transferring money to one of our bank accounts. I am sorry, but ethically we cannot do that. I sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.

If you need any further assistance, please feel free to call us at either of the numbers listed below or just respond to this email. Thank you again for contacting RUs.com. We value your business and look forward to serving you in the future!

Sincerely,

Melissa Green
Guest Service Team
www.ToysRUs.com (800) ToysRUs / (800) 869-7787
www.BabiesRUs.com (888) BabyRUs / (888) 222-9787
Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!!

Yes, you read it correctly. ETHICALLY is the word Melissa Green used.

It’s comforting to know that ToysRUs value our business and look forward to serving us in the future. I wonder, though, in what capacity they intend to serve us 24 HOURS A DAY. 7 DAYS A WEEK if they won’t accept our money?

Perhaps we should offer some Dutch beads, buttons and other trinkets to Melissa and the Guest Service Team at ToysRUs.

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When I watched the video of a Jewish family from Australia dancing at various death camp sites in which Hitler and the Nazis tried to exterminate the Jews, I wept.

I only heard about this video tonight on the Channel Nine TV news. Some people are offended by it. Some Holocaust survivors don’t approve of Jews dancing at Auschwitz, but I take a different view.

I say “Hitler tried to kill us all, but he is dead and we are still here. Let us rejoice.”

As a person who is involved in The Jewish Holocaust Centre I am well aware of sensitivities. We should respect and mourn what happened. We should never forget and personally I will never forgive.

But be damned if I don’t glory in the fact that all those Empires and civilisations which tried to destroy the Jews are dust.

So if 89-year-old Holocaust survivor, Adolek Kohn wants to dance at Auschwitz with his daughter and three grandchildren, good luck to him!

I’m sure he has shed enough tears in his lifetime and I would encourage him to celebrate to his heart’s content.

If you have not seen the video, here is the link:-

Grandpa Kohn’s words at the end of it are what made me cry.

Looks as if the video has actually been removed from Youtube.

Now it’s back again. I strongly recommend that you view Parts 2 and 3 of the video too. We’ll see how long this one lasts but just in case I’d better explain what I meant by “Grandpa Kohn’s words at the end of it made me cry.”

The family did some very simple unchoreographed dance steps at the various sites with their aged grandpa.

And then the mood changed and Mr Kohn reflected on his life to the music of Leonard Cohen’s “Dance me to the end of Love.”

“If you had told me 63 years ago,” Kohn says, ” that I would be here dancing with my family, I would have said what you talking about?…what you talking about?

Had Hilter achieved his aim then none of that delightful family would have been born. No wonder he marvels at being back where he could have perished. He considers himself blessed.

So many people did not survive, including many members of my family. I wept for them but I also wept with joy that Mr Kohn is alive.

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Imagine you are sitting at prayers in your local mosque on a Friday when suddenly thirty of your fellow worshippers are shredded to bits by a bomb. This is a frequent occurrence in Pakistan and Iraq. The murderers are Muslims themselves and we in the rest of the world no longer bat an eyelid on hearing of such an event. Why is that?

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I am astounded by the declaration this morning that the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society is proud of the actions of activist Peter Bethune. In fact, they will give him a hero’s welcome back home when he returns from Japan.

How can one believe anything that this organisation says when in June this is what they said?

The Sea Shepherd Conservation Society has cut its links with anti-whaling activist Peter Bethune after he carried a bow and arrows during confrontations with Japanese whalers in the Southern Ocean.

Below is what they wrote on the Society’s website, according to the ABC report on June 9 of this year

The bow and arrows revealed to be on the Sea Shepherd vessel Ady Gil, and in the possession of Captain Bethune on that ship, are absolutely not in line with Sea Shepherd’s policy,” the statement reads.

This morning on the ABC the spokesman for the Society revealed his forked tongue, when he admitted that the above statements were a ploy to get Bethune off. I can’t quite understand how that would work but they obviously are still trying to pretend that they are a peaceful organisation. What a bunch of hypocrites!

Suddenly they are proud to align themselves with a man who behaved like a pirate and threatened the crew of a boat he boarded illegally.

What sort of friends are these activists who are ready to distance themselves from one of their heroes when he’s in trouble? And yet when he gets off with a very lenient judgement, a suspended sentence, they pretend that they support him totally?

All better now?

I don’t think so. This organisation has blotted its reputation by admitting to lying.

It is thanks to the Japanese that Bethune is not in jail. No thanks to the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society, though, for abandoning him.

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I am proud to announce that recently I got rid of my electric toothbrush. Now that may not signify as one of the world’s greatest protests, but for me, it meant a lot.

I got sick of charging the blasted thing. I got sick of having another gadget to be plugged in. I got sick of the brush telling me how long I have to brush my teeth and allotting to me the requisite two minutes which the gadget manufacturer said I have to do.

It made me feel as if I wasn’t in charge at all. Let’s face it, if you’re at the mercy of an electric toothbrush how autonomous are you?

There are people out there who bid their gadgets goodnight and then charge them ready for the next day’s onslaught.

All this dependency on electric gadgets has been getting on my nerves.

Which brings me to why my web site was down over the weekend. I use a web host as do a few other people and apparently a very selfish or ignorant company which monopolised all the available space on the host’s internet. This company was told not to do this again and I have been assured that said company will not be so greedy in future.

I wish I could believe it, but all sorts of things get screwed up on the internet. If it’s not the internet provider then it’s the connection somewhere on the line. Or else it’s because the rotten schoolkids are on holiday and they sit at their computers all day shooting demons or whatever or taking photos of their private parts and putting them on Youtube to impress the world.

Then there’s the twits or the twats and Facebook. I’m uncomfortable with all that and do not take part.

Nowadays, even the politicians twitter away, just to be with it. Do we really need more soundbites from the politicians? Still, even Julia Gillard has somebody twittering away for her. Some junior member of her staff with the gelled ridge of hair is doing the deed so that she can appear trendy.

I seriously doubt that her busy schedule allows her the time to twit. Not should it.

I would rather she concentrate on policies and leave the silly bits to some nerd who is already afflicted with a sore and arthritic thumb at the venerable age of 20.

You may well argue that I too have joined the ranks of internet afficionado since I have a web site. That’s not quite true, though. It’s a love/hate relationship that I have with my computer. I like the word processing part and I enjoy surfing the net for information.

But I am well aware of the dangers of the World Wide Web as a disseminator of falsehoods, a tool for propaganda more invasive than any newspaper by its speed and unaccountability.

I must confess I fear it.

On the other hand, I can’t think of anything in this world that is totally good. And so I endure the frustration of technology when I have to, while feebly protesting against it when it doesn’t really matter, as in the case of the electric toothbrush. T’is but a rather lukewarm attempt at aligning myself with the Luddites.

So there! I showed them, all right. lol

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